I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
