are you still at the devil's house?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
