i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We have started to decorate penises.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
