loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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