I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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