a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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