Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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