Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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