She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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