He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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