new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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