Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
