how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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