Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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