My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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