i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
