wrigley field is MILF paradise
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
