I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
