Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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