you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
