somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
