im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
