I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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