I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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