he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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