Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
