You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
