Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
sarcasm needs its own font
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
