Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
