I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
