SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We had sex on a dog bed..
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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