You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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