I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
