i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
