I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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