OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
