Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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