yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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