its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
