Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
