do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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