i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
