Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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