I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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