Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We had to coat check the pizza.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
