I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
