She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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