i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
