I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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