so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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