I'm drive I can fine osifer
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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