Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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