After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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