very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i drank out of a bidet.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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