Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
