she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
