quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
