There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
